Choosing Again

The only productive thing I did today was finish The Rise of Endymion by Dan Simmons for the second time. As with my first reading, I am swept away by the love story between Aenea and Raul. The ending remains the most satisfying of any tragic story I’ve ever read – could be the most satisfying of all stories I’ve read. Aenea’s speech made a lot more sense to me this time around. Not much of a speech, really. It was just two words: “Choose again.” But, I applied to my love for L. Choose again… and I found that I would choose to love her again. In fact, if I could choose again, I would choose to have only loved L throughout these years.

Hmm… on second thought, I wouldn’t have grown to be the type of person I am now without the trials and errors of my past relationships. All the false starts, misspoken words, and immature behaviors caused me to grow. Why would I choose to remain as inexperienced and naive as I once was? I prefer to have gone through those mistakes so that I am a better man for L, for my beloved.

So, I shall rephrase. I would choose to love L again on May 22, 2002, all morning, including the confusion and frustration afterwards.

L’s birthday is coming up soon. I compiled a CD of meaningful songs that I feel speaks to our relationship. I want to have the lyrics written out and write why that song means so much to me.

Someday in the future, I’m going to dedicate a day where L and I are out doing something (eating, walking around a park, sightseeing, etc.) and have a professional photographer with us. We will be our loving, romantic selves and the photographer will capture our love in ways that we cannot should one of us do the picture-taking.

As a farewell-gift to L before I leave for the Peace Corps, I would like to have a calendar made. It would have dates until the time of my return. On each month would be a picture to remind her of me or us.

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