Styles of Love

I hope to finish my Assessment Paper for my Capstone class. Moreover, I have to apply for Lambda Pi Eta. Today was the deadline, but I think the Dept. Chair will accept it tomorrow if I give it to him in the morning.

Several days ago, I found the textbook that I bought for my first Interpersonal Communication class. One of the most interesting concepts I learned was the different styles of love. From this perspective, I realized that I truly loved the girls I’ve been in relationships with in the past. I just loved each differently.

There are three primary and three secondary styles of love. Like the color spectrum, the three primary styles of love blend and form secondary styles. Most of us have a combination of styles. Our styles change through time and are influenced by our lover’s preferences, as well.

Primary
Eros – this style is characterized as powerful, intense and passionate attractions. The love blazes into life suddenly and dramatically. The intensity may include sexual, spiritual, intellectual, or emotional attraction. It is spontaneous and fast-moving. Lovers self-disclose early, can be very sentimental, and fall in love hard and fast.
Storge (store-gay) – this style is characterized as comfortable, steady, and friendship-based. This style of love tends to grow gradually. It is peaceful and stable. Lovers of this style fall in love through common interests, values, and life goals. Storgic lovers don’t get the highs of erotic love, but they don’t have the fiery anger and intense conflicts either.
Ludus – this style is characterized as playful. Ludic lovers see love as a game, full of adventure, challenges, puzzles and fun. They consciously operate on the relationship, (i.e., testing the person’s affection or for certain qualities, playing with the person’s mind, etc.) But, love is not to be taken seriously. Commitment is a no-no. Rather, ludic lovers prefer to play the field and simply enjoy falling in love.

Secondary
Pragma – this style is characterized as practical. It blends the stable, secure love of storge with the conscious strategies of ludus. Pragmatic lovers have clear criteria for partners, such as career, family background, educational level, or religious affiliation. This may seem cold and lacking in passion, but something is overlooked. Practical considerations are the foundation of enduring commitments. These considerations must be satisfied before they let themselves fall in love.
Mania – this style is characterized by madness, uncertainty, and emotional extremes. It combines the passion of eros with ludic rules. Ricky Martin’s song “Living La Vida Loca,” is essentially about the consequences of manic love. Manic lovers are usually not sure that others really love them, so they devise tests and games to evaluate the partner’s commitment. They are obsessive about the relationship and are unable to think about anyone or anything else. Emotional extremes range from euphoric ecstasy to bottomless despair.
Agape – this style is characterized by passion without any expectation of personal gain or return. Agapic lovers feel the intensity of eros and the constancy of storge. They are generous, selfless, and will put a loved one’s happiness ahead of their own. Giving to and loving another is its own reward to an agapic lover.

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