Sick and Parents Arguing

I’m out sick today. That’s what happens when I pick my nose with an unclean finger. I just hope my sore throat isn’t the onset of a flu. Getting sick so close to the cruise will be no good.

So, the calls yesterday were not very good. I spent most of my time writing the application essay for Fisher. It looks okay, but I’ll need L– and Greg to look at it. Speaking of Greg… I need to contact him. Wish him a happy holiday. Why don’t I ever keep in contact with professors who have made such a difference in my life? First Campbell, now Greg…

I tried to sleep this morning. Then my parents got into a fight. And I got involved. I hate how my parents fight. It’s so unconstructive. It’s never about one issue, one problem. Their arguments seem to be about who can pile the most shit on top of the other. Aside from all the angry and hateful words they exchange, I know they still care for one another. But, mainly because they’ve lived with each other for so long. That and they went through some tough times together. To pinpoint the cause for this recent exchange is difficult. There is so much suppressed anger, unresolved issues, old arguments, and plain old stubbornness. It doesn’t help that neither of them respect the other. Is this what some couples call “irreconcilable differences” – when the arguments become so complicated, the resentment for the other becomes so entrenched, that no resolution seems possible? I can see how a family counselor can make oodles of money from situations like this. It would take years to untangle the mess that my parents have sewn.

Can I blame my parents? Might I not have a part in this matter, too? It is so easy to cast my parents’ problems aside, labeling it as “their problem.” They shelter and feed me with their hard work. Their love is what I need to respect. They may not hug me or kiss me or say that they love me, but they provide for me as loving and self-sacrificing parents would.

What am I to do? I can’t untangle their anger. I can’t change their preconceived notions about each other. I certainly can’t make them love each other. Giving them my current savings won’t help either: they’d feel like they’re in their son’s debt and that just won’t due.

Sigh… but money isn’t the issue. It isn’t the only issue at least. Neither one of my parents want my money. They want me to further my education, to gain valuable experience, and hope for the best for me. They both want me to get my MBA. They ask me not to worry about their money, but it is hard not to when arguments like these arise.

Family life is tough. Would better communication solve everything? Probably not. But, it certainly would help.

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