I do not feel any affection from L. I know she loves me, but where is the affection? Even though we live far away, there is such a thing as verbal closeness. I am very affectionate with her, for instance, with my messages on her cell phone. I do my best to make her feel as well as know that I love her. She says she feels “weird” when I try to be romantic over the phone. I sang to her on her cell message, once. She was wondering when the message would end, and was embarrassed that anyone else might have heard. A few days ago, I left a message where I recited an excerpt from Keats to Fanny Brawne:
I have no limits now to my love. I have been astonished that men could die martyrs of religion. I have shuddered at it. I shudder no more. I could be martyred for religion – love is my religion – I could die for you. My creed is love and you are its only tenet. You have ravished me away by a power I cannot resist… My love is selfish. I cannot breathe without you… yours for ever.
To me, the words that Keats wrote is probably one of the most ardently passionate words ever written. Strong, powerful, full of emotion. But, perhaps… not romantic. Neither soft, nor sweet.
Hmm… I understand, now. I ran these ideas with my cousin, Sheila. I asked how she would feel if a guy she likes read her that quote, and she felt just about the same as L. I suppose I ought to try for more soft, more sweetness, and less strong & powerful.