Mind Over Hormones

(Continuing from the 11/08/97 entry)

How would I ask her?
“Is that you?”
“Yeah.”
“Nice breasts.” Slap! So, the way I see it, it was better to just pretend as if I didn’t see it.

Now, what has bothered me that Thursday evening (11/06) was that picture. I kept on seeing in my mind’s eye the provacative image of her on crutches, looking straight at the camera with no particular expression, perhaps with only a slight opening of her lips. Does this mean she has a high sexual drive? Does she see beauty in nudity and sex? If those questions were answered as true, then it is a very, very attractive contrast of images. She looks like a woman who’s more on the conservative side of sex, yet she really has a strong passion for it. Well, needless to say, my fantastic mind started to wonder what I would do if I was presented a situation where I could have sex with her.

Would I take the offer? Another person would say there wasn’t even the slightest chance, and I would agree, but I want to get to know her better. What if in the process of building a stronger friendship I was approached with such a decision? I can’t just say it won’t ever happen. I don’t trust my horomones. I need to decide while I’m sober.

It has been a few days since I visited her residence. In that time, at this moment, the wave of horomones have subsided. Now that I’m sober, I feel it is best not to take up on the offer of sex if the situation ever comes up. Oh, she is beautiful, and oh I do so would like to please her sexually, but that’s just the horomones talking. While I was drunk with lust, I was trying to convince myself it would be okay. J- wouldn’t know. A-‘s leaving next year. The two of them wouldn’t have to face each other. A- has heard me mention that I have an intimate back home. Perhaps if an invitation came up, and she wouldn’t mind the fact that I’m already in an intimate relationship, we can have a sexual friendship? But, that’s my mind when it is drunk. I am in a committed relationship. One of the tenets we’ve established that would be grounds for separation is having sex with another person. What if it was just oral sex? Still, it is the extreme intimacy of the act that makes it also constitute a sexual affair. No, if the question ever came up, I would say no to a sexual affair.

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